I don't love you any more!!!

I don't love you any more ...

I cannot hold this love close to my heart

and sing lullaby for long ...

I cannot buy gifts on your birthdays

and send mails on anniversaries...

I can no longer smile to receive you

On the railway station...

For once , I am happy

That nothing will now be expected out of me...

I set you free ...

free from a person

incapable of loving you ,

the way you want to be...

love is like falling from a tall building

If you got to fall

let it be from the highest floor

And that is not me...

I will act , I will escape , I will ignore...

I will carefully pick up all the broken pieces

of our love...

and you will always be in an illusion of a perfect relationship...

It is alright to close your eyes and walk a little longer

I will show you the path...I will be there...

I will pretend till eternity that "It" is working ...

And in flickering moments of truth , I will be laughed off as a fool...

I will never in my life again mention the emptiness of our love

I will never break the code...

I will act , I will escape,I will ignore ...

Although all this comes naturally to you!!!

But I am not perfect...

I thought I would ask someone the solution of my problem… Explain them what I am going through and they will tell me what to do … It wasn’t that easy. Everyone was able to relate to me and my issues but no one had a tailor-made solution for me, not even Google… (Yes, I Googled it :P)

I don’t know whether everyone goes through the same feelings that I go through… I think they do… But all of them are so busy pretending and boasting about their perfect lives… they have perfect relationships, perfect careers, so much money etc…

But I am not perfect… I have messed up badly in my life more than 60% of time. I have not obeyed my parents … I was in an unhealthy relationship… I also thought about cheating…I was a selfish friend… and on few occasions a very bad sister… and on many occasions a insensitive daughter…

Yes, I am full of sins or at least thought seriously about many … And in this whole wide world I am having hard time finding someone who can tell me that even he made a mistake .. That even she messed it up … that even he was confused … and above all that she went through exactly same feelings that I am going through… If only we could share more and pretend less.. .We can find out solutions and ideas to solve our problems like someone else did…

Tell me that you are as normal as I am!!!Please tell me… I am getting all lonely out here in the imperfect corner…

Delicious Ambiguity !!!

Sometimes life seems to be like a masala movie...

but all we do is crib about it..

can't we just sit back and enjoy...

Or at least wait for the interval if not for the end...

Cheers to an eventful life!!!

I can change...

I have been listening to their scripts for so long

I am a better person I know

So hold on...

I can change the very essence of my being

I can be whatever I want to be..

I have tried and failed

And failed and tried...

But I still believe that I can change

I can improve...

Even if they think that

It is not meant to be...

Don’t worry, you will get through!!

Patience is the key to happiness. But it is easier said than done. I read somewhere that you may not be able to fight your own fears but you can fight someone else’s fears. It means that you may not be able to solve your own problems , encourage your own self ,reduce your anxiety and stress but you can do that for a friend, a colleague etc.

How often we find our friends repeatedly encouraging us before an exam or an interview – “Don’t worry, you will get through!” and then this statement is repeated again and again till you finally get through. During all the testing times you are engrossed in a fight between the negative voice and the positive voice. No matter how hard you try to suppress negativity ,human mind is such that it will focus more on – “why you will fail ? “ rather than –“why you will be selected?” and the frenzy begins.

I thank all the friends who have fought my fears and disappointments for me. Who have kept all my worries at bay by repeatedly saying – Sahiba !! Tension mat le … Ho jayega!!!

:) :) :)

Those four lines...

I read it again …

Those four lines

That ended us…

Ended me…

Was it that easy to finish?

Was it such a practical thing ?

Four lines…Your four lines

And my world fell apart…

I have erased everything,

But those four lines

I kept them safe.

A remembrance to heartache

A toast to your cowardice

Poetry of my helplessness…

I read it again…

How beautifully

You accepted your lies,

Like a mirage

In front of my eyes,

Thought I could look through you

Thought you could feel my love…

But four lines, just with four lines

You ended and I endured…

Do you ever think back?

Of life without me?

Or you thought about it too often?

Did you think about her

When I thought about you?

Did you miss her

Every time I missed you ?

Somewhere someday

And I shall ask you

Just one time

One question, one rhyme

Did you love her?

When I thought you loved me….

Goodbye Forever...

After a while you begin to realize that there's a difference

Between holding a hand and falling in love.

You begin to learn that kisses don't always mean something,

And promises can be broken as easily as they are made,

And sometimes,

Sometimes....

Goodbyes really are forever....

PS : From my quotes collection ,not written by me...

In search of randomness...

We live two lives

One of our own

And one of others...

They made the rules

And you follow it

Never questioned

Never resisted

Kept smiling

Loving and Understanding

Being and Becoming

What others want you to be…

And time blurs the line

Between us and myself…

Their becomes mine

Mine becomes void…

But sometimes; some things

Bring out that song

Long forgotten…

That colour which faded…

Those people

Separated…

And in these times

You think …. Why?

Why? What? When?

Where is the line

That line between

You and yours,

And how will you ever

Draw it again…

How will you separate?

Responsibilities and happiness…

Commitment and attraction…

Can you? Can you leave that hand?

And walk away,

In search of yourself

Are you confident enough?

Can you? Can you leave?

That so called happiness…

Leave that worldly perfection,

In search of randomness…

Whiling away time...

whiling away time...

whiling away life...

You need not make sense out of everything ..

drop that burden... drop it...

You need not make it meaningful,useful...

You need not use every single moment judiciously ...

You need not spend every single penny wisely ..

You need need not be a selfless person..

You need need not be a helping friend always...

You need not be the best performer...

you need not be a dedicated lover...

You need not be always available...

You need not be polite...

You can live for yourself...

You can act

You can lie

You can hurt consciously

you can be mean

you can fake

You can cry

you can hide

you can ignore

you can be boring

you can speak loudly

you can brag

You can crib

You can be strange

You can be stupid

You can change

I understand you... i do ..and I will let you be...

I am with you in your journey of meaninglessness...

You are free from the burden of making sense...

You are free from the burden of being yourself...

You can be someone else...

You can be any damn thing in the world ...

Original or copied...

I will try to accept you with open heart...

Whiling away time...

whiling away life..

trust me u can while away things...everyone does.. its peaceful in a way...

My Dearest Allie

My Dearest Allie.

I couldn't sleep last night because I know that it's over between us. I'm not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I'll be seeing you.

Noah I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.

PS: I found this in my quotes collection. It is probably from some movie. I loved every word in this and thus I am publishing it here. I have been trying to write a poem for so long but I am not able to finish any. So I have now almost five unfinished poems...Till I complete them I may post some of my compiled collection.Not written by me but still a part of me.

First rain..

I had clutter of thoughts

Some of love

Some of pain

Some of loss

Some of gain

Randomness revisited

Restlessness heightened

And then it poured

How we used to stand for hours near the glass window

Making hearts with fingertips

And that bike which got punctured

Long walks and short trips…

you hated puddles

and I loved splashing

you wanted instrumental

I wanted dirty dancing…

That night it poured heavily

I was drenched from head to toe

I missed your presence in the rain

I guess you would never know…

I looked at you, you smiled

And then you looked away

You were just behind the window there

But you seemed far away…

It’s raining again

And sometimes

Only sometimes

I miss u in the rain

The way I did that day

The way I did today…

And sometimes

Only sometimes

I would like to know

What were you thinking?

When you were looking away…

Nothing Special !!

Passing through the same road

Doing the same chores

Thought less

Numbness

Clueless

Life was passing by me

It was just another day

The same more or less

In the bathroom

Suddenly I saw a flicker of sunlight

Dancing on my naked waist

I smiled

Nothing special...

I cooked breakfast

Kitchen window gave way

To a subtle rush of air

And my long locks got entangled

I blushed

Nothing special

An early morning message from him

Warm fuzzy feeling inside

Nothing special...

As I was putting kohl

My eyes looked bigger

They sparkled

I thought

Nothing Special...

Gathered my stuff

Arranged my bed

And there lies my diary

I caressed it like my child

Wished it goodbye

It was hard to leave a part of you behind

But Nothing special…

I was getting late

But the lift was waiting right there

Lucky me, I thought

Time saved

Nothing special…

Reached office

Bumped into him

Then again saw him near the water cooler

He looked at me and kept looking

I didn’t know where to look

Funny…Embarrassing

Nothing special…

My boss praised me

He thought I was a very intelligent girl

I acted modest

Inside I was as happy as a child

Nothing special…

Returned

Roommates were discussing dinner

The most debatable topic

So menial yet so important

Place decided

Then No one was hungry

Stupid we were

Never sure

Nothing special…

The hot whether

Room was like hell

We slept on rooftop

Slept, chatted, laughed till wee hours

Nothing special…

Another morning

Puffy eyes

Aching back

It’s hot, humid

Another day

I will pass through the same road

Do the same chores

Thought less

Numbness

Clueless

Life will pass by me

It will be just another day

The same more or less

Nothing special...

they Inked the rules on her!!

She couldn't escape

She couldn't fight

From clothes to shreds

From days to nights

She stood there naked and shy

She paused and wondered why

She didn't resist but endured

Her Soul was bruised and blood poured

All she wanted was –“to express”

She dared to become a writer

They taught her a good lesson

And Inked the rules on her…

Yes, INKED THE RULES ON HER...

Soul keeps falling out!!

There are few truths,

You know abt yourself..

You hide

Never accept , keep mum,

never say it out loud...

Appear to be one in the majority

But hehehe...

Your soul keeps falling out.......

You straighten it

You scold ; you shout...

It mocks you

Then the Name calling

Nd it walks out…

I told you kiddo

Told you to watch out...

'dat Your restless soul;

That Bloody soul keeps falling out...

You are such a loser!!!

You lost me because I was your's

I can never lose you coz....

You were never mine...

You are such a loser!!!

I thought about you !!!

Dearest Love...

I thought about you

your essence

Your presence..

fill the room with your laughter

Let me moan in the bathtub,

Dressing ,Undressing and making love

Close dancing in the night club..

those rejuvenating massages

Which didn't just end there...

Little black dress , high heels

your fingertips and my wet hair..

The way you hold me close

Soft kisses on my nose,

Cuddled bliss at night

When you hold me so tight...

I lost to you..My Heart ,

My love , my life ..

Hold me if I fall

And be my guiding light...

Happy Without you!

I thought may be the distance would ease my pain

may be ..you would ..one fine day realize..

Lets get back "Honey"...

but the funny part is

I am happy ..

And The funniest is

I am happy WITHOUT YOU...