I am learning to love again ...

A friend of mine triggered this thought . He asked " Can you start all over again..like a clean slate ? "

I replied - "yes!!" I am a clean slate , I am at my best ready to accept any new experience with open arms."

But I guess it wasn't true. Can we really be open to love , to love again. I think with every failed relationship you die a little which adds up to a long list of "THINGS NOT TO DO!!"

. 

What about giving yourself another chance. New hopes .. new wings... new love...

Can we really fall in love again ? Can we drop the baggage of past and embark on a new journey with the same vigour and enthusiasm?

Do you have the courage to be vulnerable again ?

Can you still wait for him on dinner table ?

Wear his favourite colour and wait for compliments ...

Will you make him a collage on his birthday and a handmade card on your anniversary ? 

Do you still have the courage to walk  on the same road where you once were so lonely ?

Above all do you still have the strength to smile everytime he smiles at you.... 

Truth about love..

A very good friend of mine once asked : " Will we ever find true love ? Like they show in the movies...??

and I replied : "Yes , dear we will !!, but the question is whether it will be happily ever after or not !!

We don't look for true love , we look for happy endings. We look for marriage , we look for long term relationships , security....  We don't look for love.                                                

Love is like our pet project which should be completed before you turn 30 or else it is not true love . Why do we have to measure the success rate of love on the scale of permanency or marriage. Why can't love be fleeting , short term , traumatic , exhausting , painful , hopeless.. Why does love have to be sweet , caring , stable , happy , peaceful..

Why does love have to be the potion to cure all your pains and a formula to end all your sufferings? Why do you wait all your life to be cured by something as magical as love?

Cant we just love without expecting it to change our lives . Cant we just enjoy it on dark corners of  our hearts and rejoice that we are in love no matter how sad , how lonely we feel. 

Free love from your perceptions and let it be just a feeling no matter how good .. how bad...Enjoy it in its true sense rather than expecting it to make your life perfect.If you stop expecting from love you will realize you fell in love so many times in so many ways but you didn't even notice.

A huge Leap of faith ...

What to we actually fear losing in a relationship ? After we break up , what is that undying pain we have in our hearts? What do we mean by losing love and why does it hurt so much ?

When we love someone we begin to trust them step by step , inch by inch . Through their gestures and care we realize that they can be trusted with our heart , our lives. Our inner goddess who was up till now hiding under the bed pops up and claims the throne. She is happy and satisfied . Starts to rule like a queen because she feels she is safe . And you take that leap of faith. You tell him your biggest lies , greatest secrets with a promise of understanding and care . 

You put down the walls be vulnerable and introduce him to your shy and meek inner goddess. And you inner goddess is so happy to finally find someone with whom she can love happily ever after in her empty palatial house . 

And then your heart breaks. One fine morning your prince charming doesn't return to your inner Goddess . She waits and waits.. She forgets to dress up like she usually does , doesn't eat a thing and stares at you blankly with her smudged mascara eyes.

why did you introduce him  to her ? Why did you vouch for him ? 

Why did you let me take that leap of faith if you were not sure ? 

why ?

And you answer : " BUT I WAS  so SURE !!"

Holding on V/S Moving on

She loved him with all her heart but it didn't work. 

She tried hard but it didn't work. 

She cooked his favorite dishes , got his approved haircut even joined a gym but it didn't work.

He went away to a a land that suited him more , where her little imperfections wouldn't hinder his perfect life.

He went away from her...

You know how she felt? It was like losing something you never had. 

It is the worst of it all.

 But she survived.

Moved on ...

One fine day , he came back .. Back to her ..

But y ? How dare he? How can he have the courage to come back to her ?

Few people never stop taking us for granted.

Does love make us look weak. 

"In a relationship one who loves less is strong "!! Is it true?

Do we really take our ex's for granted . 

People who loved us with immovable faith and always put our happiness above there own. 

The belief that they will take us back anyway is the biggest disrespect we can cause them and to their love. 

Always remember love gives us strength to endure all the hardships and challenges of a relationship and that is what make us to hold on to all the crap our partner gives..

But the moment you decide to end it, not hold on to it further , you are free. 

Yes you can walk away... love will empower you... Never test the limits of the one who loves you.. 

"Those who have the courage to hold on also have the power to move on , they just chose not to"

What a woman wants?

Love, sex and money … not necessarily in the same order … every girl has different priorities but largely you can categorise it into these three..

So voila!! We now know what we want.. So what’s the problem then?

The problem is how to get it…

Will a lot of love and money do away with your bed cravings... or can you settle for a big mansion to live but no one to cuddle and sleep …

Much worse... What if you find it in different men...? And for a matter of fact you will!!

Imagine what a mess!!!

With my personal experience I can share one thing for sure... In a woman’s life there is a man who makes her happy and a man whom she loves with all her heart … at least two different men in each of our lives...

Sorry to break your bubble girlfriend but Life just got tougher…

With an end in my mind ...

Dearest

I may have started with an end in my mind... yes an end.. to safeguard myself against a potential heartbreak .. a downfall..

But the truth is so clear .. so obvious .. that preparing for an end doesn't lessen the pain it causes..

Yes I was prepared for the end but not for the pain of living without a hope...

End is natural but hopelessness is like dying on a lonely island knowing no one will know you died not that they will save you...

CHAOS...

Chaos is the only peace that exists...

Change is the only truth that persists...

Silence is the only sound that echoes..

In the emptiness of the world filled with people...

When u walk back u will realize; u were never there....

Soul Broken V/S Heart Broken

Amongst various types of people around us .. the most frustrating ones are “ the walls”…

Those who angry us by their stupid deeds… over interference … and the best part is we cant even complain.. cant even express that they are killing you .. that you hate them .. that you want them out of your site and sometimes even outta your life… but y cant u .. coz they r the walls… they wont change , react.. understand…

What is more frustrating? .. not telling someone that they hurt you and thinking that they will not understand or telling sumone that they hurt you and seeing that they don’t understand?

Have you ever been heart broken ?

That sharp pain inside that never goes… you feel like you cant breathe or that you will die of heartache… and you suddenly realize how meaningless everything is and how lonely you are in this whole wide world… and you pick up the phone and dial the number of the one whose hurt you … 

you make the call .. accept that they have hurt you … unable to speak coz tears choke you… still you try to find the sharpest of the words and try to take revenge .. 

If only words could kill… and all this while you know in your heart that this verbal attack wont match up to the heartache you got but still it will let you breathe… 

And you end the call with a last line that means “it doesn't matter” though both the parties know how much it did and it always will… 

Phew!!! Then you go to the window and look up like you know god is watching … you look down at the endless vehicle lines… and a sigh!!! Which means that neither god nor any human being can understand your pain let alone ease it…then you feel numb and sometime later you start to relax…

Grieving is a process… it has stages ..from start to end …scientifically around four.. (search on google).. so don’t you ever worry it will definitely end..

But have you ever been soul-broken? 

Let us suppose .. we didn't make the call that I described in the above paragraph .. then what would you feel.. imagine that person will never come to know about your pain.. imagine not sharing.. not avenging.. just nursing your broken heart alone…

That’s soul-broken  it like having a wound in your heart that will never heal .. a broken soul.. that you carry everywhere .. all the time… and even after years a soft touch on that wound would hurt like it did for the first time…

Soul Broken – a thriving wound..

 

Dear lamps!!!

While lightening Diyas at the garden fence I had a very strange sad feeling inside.. I learnt about life of a lamp.

 So lame! Lightens lives of others but has darkness beneath itself. I have come across such people in life. They sacrifice their lives to build a good future for others -"The lamps".Rest all the fuljharis , anars etc sparkle for short time and vanish in thin air. 

Dear lamps...
This Diwali when everyone will be celebrating with light in their lives. I will look for you in dark corners...  wherever you are placed , I know your pain and I know your fate.. May God give you strength...

Enjoy waiting ...

Yet again I am on a aimless journey.. doing what I do best .. WAITING.. This time at the bus stand ... Initially I used to find it frustrating ..

Like everyone I wanted to enjoy the end and not the "means"... But in my experience most of the times "end" is disappointing only because we spend a lotta energy building expectations while we wait... 

So why not enjoy the "means" .. enjoy waiting... One may call it escapism.. so be it...

So here I am ... Waiting for the bus that has not arrived from last 45minutes and I guess is not expected in near future too... the strange part is that I didn't plan to take this trip while I left my place but here I am sitting in last row of the benches... I see all anxious faces .. waiting faces... 

Actually there are two kinds of faces you find in such places.. one is a "OMG! FACE" ... another is "IT DOESN'T MATTER FACE"... 

Don't you think that the pressure of reaching somewhere is taking away all the pleasures of waiting from you... you will love it trust me...

(Anecdote : One who waits is a waiter!!)

What is love ?

What is love ?

It is not about romantic kisses and passionate moments ... elaborate dinner dates and expensive presents (though i love presents) ... 

It is about fighting to eat fried rice while your partner wants to have hakka noodles...

 though you both like vice versa...:P

(*This actually happened with me)

Being independent is a sin...

I was not thinking…

I just wanted to prove myself to you …But every time I do that your criteria changes…

You resemble my parents…

While I achieve the greatest heights in my career ,they regret my education just because I don’t listen to them…

And all the times they said that they have sacrificed everything to make me study seems so meaningless now…

That’s what we all are right!! We create buildings just to accuse them of their heights..

We want make our children independent but we use every possible trick to cripple them … to make them realize our importance...

And if this doesn't happen we accuse them of being too independent...

When did we draw a line between being independent and being too independent…?

Life would be so easy if we could choose whether to let go or to hold on … nothing in between will give peace…

Why I left ...

I left you because I was tired of waiting… 

waiting at the railway station to be picked up by you… 

waiting at the party to be taken home by you… 

waiting for my birthday present… 

waiting that one fine day people will stop taking pity at me because of you …

I was tired of living up to the perfect couple label when in my heart I knew we were not even a couple let alone perfect…

I was tired of being alone in a relationship with you… you see , you left me much before I did !

Celebrating rain...

It poured 

I observed

didn't feel a thing

That mushy feeling...

Thanks for the classy setting

and the lovely dinner

for the champagne glasses

and musical notes

Not a hint of elation

not a shred of pain

But its strange 

not the same any more

I guess 

my heart has stopped celebrating rain...

A messy Affair !!!

Nothing but a messy affair...

she hold him tight 

goes out of sight  

Will go to someone else tonight...

she keeps him too and loves him too

she tells him that " I am made for you" 

She has her stories ... seductive ones

Where she made out with every one turn by turn...

She eats apple pie in hiding

And has a degree in lying...

But I still hold her close to my heart

Her brazen thoughts, so original , so wild...

She enjoys her philandering trips

With an innocence of a child...

She chats dirty , she wears cheap

She smells like cigarette in fresh air

She tells me as she settles her skirt

"Relax Sweety! It is nothing but a messy affair !!!"

Just a touch...

May be 

Just a touch 

will do

Will bring back that charm we had...

That furnace inside me will light up

If water droplets trickle down my spine...

Kill the pain with silent hope 

and hold my hand till my body goes numb...

Leave me forever but for once

Embrace me like you will never let me go...

I just want to fall in love

And you think I am kidding?

When I hold your hand and tell you

All the wonderful things …

And you think I am kidding?

When I skip a beat

Every time you open the door…

And you think I am kidding?

That I can spend my life

Just looking at you …

Tell me who can love you more than I do?

Who will think of you always and forever?

And you think I am kidding?

When I remember every little thing you ask for

When I watch your chick flicks and send cheeky mails

When I send you a three page long messages

And a rose everyday …

I just want to fall in love with you

Over and over again ...

And you still think I am kidding ?

What our lives are ?

"This is what lives are , aren't they ?

Attempts to fill our time with activity designed to prevent us from realizing that there is no MEANING ? "

Happy Realisation!!!

That feeling of wanting to do one thing thinking that it will give you peace and then when you do it you are still restless... And you don't find peace ... in writing , in sleeping , in eating , in making love , in listening to your favourite songs... Relax!! Nothing, absolutely nothing in this world can cure you of "LIFE"...

HAPPY REALIZATION...

We find them and we lose them...

I was watching her buying gifts for you

she was engrossed in making you happy

she questioned me on every breath--

"Should I give this ? ... or Will he like that ?"

A bottle of champagne or a glass of wine?

Or may be,, what do you think ...

this one would be just fine..

How hard it is to find someone

Who makes an effort to make you happy

Someone who would think about you

and smile all day long...

Its funny how love gives clarity

And Confuses at the same time...

How can a chit chat for a minute

Becomes storytelling for a lifetime...

We find them and we lose them

We distrust them and we hurt them...

Some leave in smiles and some in tears

But that feeling is always cherished

Sometimes for a day or two

And sometime for all the years...

"It is better to be in love and lost .. than never to have been in love at all ".....