Soul Broken V/S Heart Broken

Amongst various types of people around us .. the most frustrating ones are “ the walls”…

Those who angry us by their stupid deeds… over interference … and the best part is we cant even complain.. cant even express that they are killing you .. that you hate them .. that you want them out of your site and sometimes even outta your life… but y cant u .. coz they r the walls… they wont change , react.. understand…

What is more frustrating? .. not telling someone that they hurt you and thinking that they will not understand or telling sumone that they hurt you and seeing that they don’t understand?

Have you ever been heart broken ?

That sharp pain inside that never goes… you feel like you cant breathe or that you will die of heartache… and you suddenly realize how meaningless everything is and how lonely you are in this whole wide world… and you pick up the phone and dial the number of the one whose hurt you … 

you make the call .. accept that they have hurt you … unable to speak coz tears choke you… still you try to find the sharpest of the words and try to take revenge .. 

If only words could kill… and all this while you know in your heart that this verbal attack wont match up to the heartache you got but still it will let you breathe… 

And you end the call with a last line that means “it doesn't matter” though both the parties know how much it did and it always will… 

Phew!!! Then you go to the window and look up like you know god is watching … you look down at the endless vehicle lines… and a sigh!!! Which means that neither god nor any human being can understand your pain let alone ease it…then you feel numb and sometime later you start to relax…

Grieving is a process… it has stages ..from start to end …scientifically around four.. (search on google).. so don’t you ever worry it will definitely end..

But have you ever been soul-broken? 

Let us suppose .. we didn't make the call that I described in the above paragraph .. then what would you feel.. imagine that person will never come to know about your pain.. imagine not sharing.. not avenging.. just nursing your broken heart alone…

That’s soul-broken  it like having a wound in your heart that will never heal .. a broken soul.. that you carry everywhere .. all the time… and even after years a soft touch on that wound would hurt like it did for the first time…

Soul Broken – a thriving wound..

 

Dear lamps!!!

While lightening Diyas at the garden fence I had a very strange sad feeling inside.. I learnt about life of a lamp.

 So lame! Lightens lives of others but has darkness beneath itself. I have come across such people in life. They sacrifice their lives to build a good future for others -"The lamps".Rest all the fuljharis , anars etc sparkle for short time and vanish in thin air. 

Dear lamps...
This Diwali when everyone will be celebrating with light in their lives. I will look for you in dark corners...  wherever you are placed , I know your pain and I know your fate.. May God give you strength...

Enjoy waiting ...

Yet again I am on a aimless journey.. doing what I do best .. WAITING.. This time at the bus stand ... Initially I used to find it frustrating ..

Like everyone I wanted to enjoy the end and not the "means"... But in my experience most of the times "end" is disappointing only because we spend a lotta energy building expectations while we wait... 

So why not enjoy the "means" .. enjoy waiting... One may call it escapism.. so be it...

So here I am ... Waiting for the bus that has not arrived from last 45minutes and I guess is not expected in near future too... the strange part is that I didn't plan to take this trip while I left my place but here I am sitting in last row of the benches... I see all anxious faces .. waiting faces... 

Actually there are two kinds of faces you find in such places.. one is a "OMG! FACE" ... another is "IT DOESN'T MATTER FACE"... 

Don't you think that the pressure of reaching somewhere is taking away all the pleasures of waiting from you... you will love it trust me...

(Anecdote : One who waits is a waiter!!)

What is love ?

What is love ?

It is not about romantic kisses and passionate moments ... elaborate dinner dates and expensive presents (though i love presents) ... 

It is about fighting to eat fried rice while your partner wants to have hakka noodles...

 though you both like vice versa...:P

(*This actually happened with me)

Freedom V/S loneliness

While I was walking back home from office I observed the green mountains . Yes !! i am at a godforsaken place that is surrounded by mountains ... I just wanted to drop going home and instead go visit the  Palace on the mountain top (Yes that's true check " Bundi " ). 

That is what I always wanted - Freedom.. Freedom of thinking free... 

All those who are bogged down by family ties , job commitments , laziness , mental blocks etc.. have never tasted the happiness in free thought process... It is so much fun to "JUST DO IT " (not that!!!)

Don't we all have a friend who we think is crazy... actually he is not .. he is just free.. free to live and think... free to drop that baggage and visit the palace at the mountain top , that you always wanted to...

but then whats the downside ... you don't belong anywhere ... you don't belong to anybody...Nothing holds you back.. You are willing to go anywhere .. be with anyone and even alone... it doesn't matter.. Unlike your friends who wants to build a career in xyz city where their fiance lives or where their school was...But you , inspite of all the relationships and commitments will still never feel like anything is holding you back not even love... And sometimes on quite evenings freedom crosses the line and becomes loneliness... Thus its very important that we can stand our own self before asking for freedom...only then it will be worth it...

Being independent is a sin...

I was not thinking…

I just wanted to prove myself to you …But every time I do that your criteria changes…

You resemble my parents…

While I achieve the greatest heights in my career ,they regret my education just because I don’t listen to them…

And all the times they said that they have sacrificed everything to make me study seems so meaningless now…

That’s what we all are right!! We create buildings just to accuse them of their heights..

We want make our children independent but we use every possible trick to cripple them … to make them realize our importance...

And if this doesn't happen we accuse them of being too independent...

When did we draw a line between being independent and being too independent…?

Life would be so easy if we could choose whether to let go or to hold on … nothing in between will give peace…

Why I left ...

I left you because I was tired of waiting… 

waiting at the railway station to be picked up by you… 

waiting at the party to be taken home by you… 

waiting for my birthday present… 

waiting that one fine day people will stop taking pity at me because of you …

I was tired of living up to the perfect couple label when in my heart I knew we were not even a couple let alone perfect…

I was tired of being alone in a relationship with you… you see , you left me much before I did !

Celebrating rain...

It poured 

I observed

didn't feel a thing

That mushy feeling...

Thanks for the classy setting

and the lovely dinner

for the champagne glasses

and musical notes

Not a hint of elation

not a shred of pain

But its strange 

not the same any more

I guess 

my heart has stopped celebrating rain...

A messy Affair !!!

Nothing but a messy affair...

she hold him tight 

goes out of sight  

Will go to someone else tonight...

she keeps him too and loves him too

she tells him that " I am made for you" 

She has her stories ... seductive ones

Where she made out with every one turn by turn...

She eats apple pie in hiding

And has a degree in lying...

But I still hold her close to my heart

Her brazen thoughts, so original , so wild...

She enjoys her philandering trips

With an innocence of a child...

She chats dirty , she wears cheap

She smells like cigarette in fresh air

She tells me as she settles her skirt

"Relax Sweety! It is nothing but a messy affair !!!"

Just a touch...

May be 

Just a touch 

will do

Will bring back that charm we had...

That furnace inside me will light up

If water droplets trickle down my spine...

Kill the pain with silent hope 

and hold my hand till my body goes numb...

Leave me forever but for once

Embrace me like you will never let me go...

I just want to fall in love

And you think I am kidding?

When I hold your hand and tell you

All the wonderful things …

And you think I am kidding?

When I skip a beat

Every time you open the door…

And you think I am kidding?

That I can spend my life

Just looking at you …

Tell me who can love you more than I do?

Who will think of you always and forever?

And you think I am kidding?

When I remember every little thing you ask for

When I watch your chick flicks and send cheeky mails

When I send you a three page long messages

And a rose everyday …

I just want to fall in love with you

Over and over again ...

And you still think I am kidding ?

What our lives are ?

"This is what lives are , aren't they ?

Attempts to fill our time with activity designed to prevent us from realizing that there is no MEANING ? "

Happy Realisation!!!

That feeling of wanting to do one thing thinking that it will give you peace and then when you do it you are still restless... And you don't find peace ... in writing , in sleeping , in eating , in making love , in listening to your favourite songs... Relax!! Nothing, absolutely nothing in this world can cure you of "LIFE"...

HAPPY REALIZATION...

We find them and we lose them...

I was watching her buying gifts for you

she was engrossed in making you happy

she questioned me on every breath--

"Should I give this ? ... or Will he like that ?"

A bottle of champagne or a glass of wine?

Or may be,, what do you think ...

this one would be just fine..

How hard it is to find someone

Who makes an effort to make you happy

Someone who would think about you

and smile all day long...

Its funny how love gives clarity

And Confuses at the same time...

How can a chit chat for a minute

Becomes storytelling for a lifetime...

We find them and we lose them

We distrust them and we hurt them...

Some leave in smiles and some in tears

But that feeling is always cherished

Sometimes for a day or two

And sometime for all the years...

"It is better to be in love and lost .. than never to have been in love at all ".....

Get a life !!!

I am not thinking about the past

Nor am I thinking of what will become of me...

I am thinking about the coffee that I am drinking

The brownie that I am eating

But not about the life that I am living..

Because I am not living it

It is happening to me..

So why waste time..

Why think about what it would have been

Why think about what is and what is it ?

I have switched of the thinking button

I am not ignorant ,

I am just giving space to my "LIFE"

I am letting it be..

I am not trying to control it...

I think I have stopped thinking about it at all times

I don't even know whether this poem rhymes...

My Dearest "Life" - "Please get a life!!!"

I seriously have other things to do

Than to bother about you ...

If only...

There are times when I think of holding your hand and never let you go…

There are times when I think of mingling your soul with mine…

If only I could lie next to you and cuddle you so tight…

I would be a peaceful woman with sleepless nights…

Have I asked for too much ?

Just comfort me

When I lie down on bed after a long day's work...

Have I asked for too much ?

Just fetch me a glass of water

when I can't stop coughing...

hold my hand when I remember my dead dog , lost job or a broken dream

Cuddle me in the cold winter nights

you know I get so shivery....

Buy me those pink roses that you never bought

Surprise me with your cooking effort

On a lazy Sunday morning

Or may be just a small message "I love you"

When I am busy with kids and you are with your friends

Please don't sleep when I recite my poems to you

At least appreciate as they are all for you

And sometimes when you think of me as beautiful

I will be glad to hear it...

Have I asked for too much?