A huge Leap of faith ...

What to we actually fear losing in a relationship ? After we break up , what is that undying pain we have in our hearts? What do we mean by losing love and why does it hurt so much ?

When we love someone we begin to trust them step by step , inch by inch . Through their gestures and care we realize that they can be trusted with our heart , our lives. Our inner goddess who was up till now hiding under the bed pops up and claims the throne. She is happy and satisfied . Starts to rule like a queen because she feels she is safe . And you take that leap of faith. You tell him your biggest lies , greatest secrets with a promise of understanding and care . 

You put down the walls be vulnerable and introduce him to your shy and meek inner goddess. And you inner goddess is so happy to finally find someone with whom she can love happily ever after in her empty palatial house . 

And then your heart breaks. One fine morning your prince charming doesn't return to your inner Goddess . She waits and waits.. She forgets to dress up like she usually does , doesn't eat a thing and stares at you blankly with her smudged mascara eyes.

why did you introduce him  to her ? Why did you vouch for him ? 

Why did you let me take that leap of faith if you were not sure ? 

why ?

And you answer : " BUT I WAS  so SURE !!"

Holding on V/S Moving on

She loved him with all her heart but it didn't work. 

She tried hard but it didn't work. 

She cooked his favorite dishes , got his approved haircut even joined a gym but it didn't work.

He went away to a a land that suited him more , where her little imperfections wouldn't hinder his perfect life.

He went away from her...

You know how she felt? It was like losing something you never had. 

It is the worst of it all.

 But she survived.

Moved on ...

One fine day , he came back .. Back to her ..

But y ? How dare he? How can he have the courage to come back to her ?

Few people never stop taking us for granted.

Does love make us look weak. 

"In a relationship one who loves less is strong "!! Is it true?

Do we really take our ex's for granted . 

People who loved us with immovable faith and always put our happiness above there own. 

The belief that they will take us back anyway is the biggest disrespect we can cause them and to their love. 

Always remember love gives us strength to endure all the hardships and challenges of a relationship and that is what make us to hold on to all the crap our partner gives..

But the moment you decide to end it, not hold on to it further , you are free. 

Yes you can walk away... love will empower you... Never test the limits of the one who loves you.. 

"Those who have the courage to hold on also have the power to move on , they just chose not to"

What a woman wants?

Love, sex and money … not necessarily in the same order … every girl has different priorities but largely you can categorise it into these three..

So voila!! We now know what we want.. So what’s the problem then?

The problem is how to get it…

Will a lot of love and money do away with your bed cravings... or can you settle for a big mansion to live but no one to cuddle and sleep …

Much worse... What if you find it in different men...? And for a matter of fact you will!!

Imagine what a mess!!!

With my personal experience I can share one thing for sure... In a woman’s life there is a man who makes her happy and a man whom she loves with all her heart … at least two different men in each of our lives...

Sorry to break your bubble girlfriend but Life just got tougher…

With an end in my mind ...

Dearest

I may have started with an end in my mind... yes an end.. to safeguard myself against a potential heartbreak .. a downfall..

But the truth is so clear .. so obvious .. that preparing for an end doesn't lessen the pain it causes..

Yes I was prepared for the end but not for the pain of living without a hope...

End is natural but hopelessness is like dying on a lonely island knowing no one will know you died not that they will save you...

CHAOS...

Chaos is the only peace that exists...

Change is the only truth that persists...

Silence is the only sound that echoes..

In the emptiness of the world filled with people...

When u walk back u will realize; u were never there....

Soul Broken V/S Heart Broken

Amongst various types of people around us .. the most frustrating ones are “ the walls”…

Those who angry us by their stupid deeds… over interference … and the best part is we cant even complain.. cant even express that they are killing you .. that you hate them .. that you want them out of your site and sometimes even outta your life… but y cant u .. coz they r the walls… they wont change , react.. understand…

What is more frustrating? .. not telling someone that they hurt you and thinking that they will not understand or telling sumone that they hurt you and seeing that they don’t understand?

Have you ever been heart broken ?

That sharp pain inside that never goes… you feel like you cant breathe or that you will die of heartache… and you suddenly realize how meaningless everything is and how lonely you are in this whole wide world… and you pick up the phone and dial the number of the one whose hurt you … 

you make the call .. accept that they have hurt you … unable to speak coz tears choke you… still you try to find the sharpest of the words and try to take revenge .. 

If only words could kill… and all this while you know in your heart that this verbal attack wont match up to the heartache you got but still it will let you breathe… 

And you end the call with a last line that means “it doesn't matter” though both the parties know how much it did and it always will… 

Phew!!! Then you go to the window and look up like you know god is watching … you look down at the endless vehicle lines… and a sigh!!! Which means that neither god nor any human being can understand your pain let alone ease it…then you feel numb and sometime later you start to relax…

Grieving is a process… it has stages ..from start to end …scientifically around four.. (search on google).. so don’t you ever worry it will definitely end..

But have you ever been soul-broken? 

Let us suppose .. we didn't make the call that I described in the above paragraph .. then what would you feel.. imagine that person will never come to know about your pain.. imagine not sharing.. not avenging.. just nursing your broken heart alone…

That’s soul-broken  it like having a wound in your heart that will never heal .. a broken soul.. that you carry everywhere .. all the time… and even after years a soft touch on that wound would hurt like it did for the first time…

Soul Broken – a thriving wound..

 

Dear lamps!!!

While lightening Diyas at the garden fence I had a very strange sad feeling inside.. I learnt about life of a lamp.

 So lame! Lightens lives of others but has darkness beneath itself. I have come across such people in life. They sacrifice their lives to build a good future for others -"The lamps".Rest all the fuljharis , anars etc sparkle for short time and vanish in thin air. 

Dear lamps...
This Diwali when everyone will be celebrating with light in their lives. I will look for you in dark corners...  wherever you are placed , I know your pain and I know your fate.. May God give you strength...