Happy Without you!

I thought may be the distance would ease my pain

may be ..you would ..one fine day realize..

Lets get back "Honey"...

but the funny part is

I am happy ..

And The funniest is

I am happy WITHOUT YOU...

Or You are writing in vain?

There is something about this moment

That has made ur picture hazy

Something set deep in my heart

Something that makes it heavy...

I asked what beyond numbness

What beyond pain

Wat beyond white satin

What beyond stains...

He laughed – “write abt interesting things

Even if your day was mundane

Write about happiness

Or You are writing in vain?"

No I cant , I cant write about a happy job

An abundant life

No I cant write about a new flat

A trophy wife...

"Oh !! u poor , u poor writer

entangled in ur masochist emotions

u can just write about broken hearts

silent tears and love potion"

No wait don’t judge me so soon

I write for what I can’t express

Loneliness became my poetic affair

And silence accepted to be my mistress

Been trapped and cheated and starved to life

Reality was too hard to suppress

I have lost and failed and fallen and choked

The list my dear is endless..!

I carry no more that sense of touch..

I carry no more

That Sense of touch

that thing called love

we had so much...

Between separation and possession

it seems,

I have got u but

I have lost myself...

And when I sleep at night without you;

Nothing more comes to my mind,

A state of non feeling

That surrounds me;

And neutrality that creeps in.

It’s been years since

I have been standing here,

But I have stopped waiting it seems.

No despair

Just boredom and no strength

to look for you

even a glance or stare.

I shut the drapes

the sunlight reminds me of the darkness

that exists.

And sometimes I stop breathing

to maintain

the loud silence that persists.

When the cold wind touches me

Wherever your fingerprints lie,

It neither hurts me nor loves me

like it used to

While I lie there naked and shy...

The world is just so busy; so engrossed,

to fill the gaps and emptiness,

to complete the incomplete stories;

to cover the carefully built distances.

And here I lay wide awake

thinking about no gaps to fill,

no games to play.

Just shouting in oblivion

with nothing

absolutely nothing to say....

Written almost an year back..

Denial of love...

Denial of love

is a self defeating purpose.

What more do you expect

From an ignorant girl.

When you loved her she was

Beautiful and sweet

Now she is pallid & dumb

Just a piece of meat

they say love persevers

its men who change

but society asks

whats a wife without his name

Freedom is my only virtue

And love -my greatest vice.

Where should I go darling,

Its like sophie’s choice.

Written on 20th Oct 2009

A rainy day!!!

A rainy day is like finding your soul mate. With every embrace it will make you feel beautiful, with every touch it will create pangs in your nerves, it will be there when you want to hide your tears from the world, it will make you hungry, it will induce sleep like never before, will make harder to concentrate on other things, above all it will cleanse you of all the pains and will let you dream … and when it is gone it leaves sweet and naughty memories behind ….

from one weekend to another..

When I was a kid I used to be excited about children's day coz our school used to have some function and sweet distribution . I used to look forward to teacher's day coz I used to lead a team of dancers ready to perform. I so loved performing on stage and missing periods to practice for dance . I used to feel that I belong to some special cadre that I had so much responsibilities on my head - studying and dancing.. :P...

The day that I was most enthusiastic about was my birthday. What will I wear , what sweets will I distribute , where will I give the treat , who all will be invited .. I used to feel so speacial wearing civil dress while everyone used to be in uniform.

 Now that I have started working the thing that I look forward to most is - WEEKEND!!

I think of weekend everyday! Its like I am living life from one weekend to another... No teacher's day , No childrens day ... only saturday and sunday!!

My love .. My defeat..

As subtle cold wind flows through my hair
and few raindrops wet my blue feet
I sit on these withered footsteps
and accept - my love and my defeat...