Soul Broken V/S Heart Broken

Amongst various types of people around us .. the most frustrating ones are “ the walls”…

Those who angry us by their stupid deeds… over interference … and the best part is we cant even complain.. cant even express that they are killing you .. that you hate them .. that you want them out of your site and sometimes even outta your life… but y cant u .. coz they r the walls… they wont change , react.. understand…

What is more frustrating? .. not telling someone that they hurt you and thinking that they will not understand or telling sumone that they hurt you and seeing that they don’t understand?

Have you ever been heart broken ?

That sharp pain inside that never goes… you feel like you cant breathe or that you will die of heartache… and you suddenly realize how meaningless everything is and how lonely you are in this whole wide world… and you pick up the phone and dial the number of the one whose hurt you … 

you make the call .. accept that they have hurt you … unable to speak coz tears choke you… still you try to find the sharpest of the words and try to take revenge .. 

If only words could kill… and all this while you know in your heart that this verbal attack wont match up to the heartache you got but still it will let you breathe… 

And you end the call with a last line that means “it doesn't matter” though both the parties know how much it did and it always will… 

Phew!!! Then you go to the window and look up like you know god is watching … you look down at the endless vehicle lines… and a sigh!!! Which means that neither god nor any human being can understand your pain let alone ease it…then you feel numb and sometime later you start to relax…

Grieving is a process… it has stages ..from start to end …scientifically around four.. (search on google).. so don’t you ever worry it will definitely end..

But have you ever been soul-broken? 

Let us suppose .. we didn't make the call that I described in the above paragraph .. then what would you feel.. imagine that person will never come to know about your pain.. imagine not sharing.. not avenging.. just nursing your broken heart alone…

That’s soul-broken  it like having a wound in your heart that will never heal .. a broken soul.. that you carry everywhere .. all the time… and even after years a soft touch on that wound would hurt like it did for the first time…

Soul Broken – a thriving wound..

 

Dear lamps!!!

While lightening Diyas at the garden fence I had a very strange sad feeling inside.. I learnt about life of a lamp.

 So lame! Lightens lives of others but has darkness beneath itself. I have come across such people in life. They sacrifice their lives to build a good future for others -"The lamps".Rest all the fuljharis , anars etc sparkle for short time and vanish in thin air. 

Dear lamps...
This Diwali when everyone will be celebrating with light in their lives. I will look for you in dark corners...  wherever you are placed , I know your pain and I know your fate.. May God give you strength...

Enjoy waiting ...

Yet again I am on a aimless journey.. doing what I do best .. WAITING.. This time at the bus stand ... Initially I used to find it frustrating ..

Like everyone I wanted to enjoy the end and not the "means"... But in my experience most of the times "end" is disappointing only because we spend a lotta energy building expectations while we wait... 

So why not enjoy the "means" .. enjoy waiting... One may call it escapism.. so be it...

So here I am ... Waiting for the bus that has not arrived from last 45minutes and I guess is not expected in near future too... the strange part is that I didn't plan to take this trip while I left my place but here I am sitting in last row of the benches... I see all anxious faces .. waiting faces... 

Actually there are two kinds of faces you find in such places.. one is a "OMG! FACE" ... another is "IT DOESN'T MATTER FACE"... 

Don't you think that the pressure of reaching somewhere is taking away all the pleasures of waiting from you... you will love it trust me...

(Anecdote : One who waits is a waiter!!)

What is love ?

What is love ?

It is not about romantic kisses and passionate moments ... elaborate dinner dates and expensive presents (though i love presents) ... 

It is about fighting to eat fried rice while your partner wants to have hakka noodles...

 though you both like vice versa...:P

(*This actually happened with me)

Freedom V/S loneliness

While I was walking back home from office I observed the green mountains . Yes !! i am at a godforsaken place that is surrounded by mountains ... I just wanted to drop going home and instead go visit the  Palace on the mountain top (Yes that's true check " Bundi " ). 

That is what I always wanted - Freedom.. Freedom of thinking free... 

All those who are bogged down by family ties , job commitments , laziness , mental blocks etc.. have never tasted the happiness in free thought process... It is so much fun to "JUST DO IT " (not that!!!)

Don't we all have a friend who we think is crazy... actually he is not .. he is just free.. free to live and think... free to drop that baggage and visit the palace at the mountain top , that you always wanted to...

but then whats the downside ... you don't belong anywhere ... you don't belong to anybody...Nothing holds you back.. You are willing to go anywhere .. be with anyone and even alone... it doesn't matter.. Unlike your friends who wants to build a career in xyz city where their fiance lives or where their school was...But you , inspite of all the relationships and commitments will still never feel like anything is holding you back not even love... And sometimes on quite evenings freedom crosses the line and becomes loneliness... Thus its very important that we can stand our own self before asking for freedom...only then it will be worth it...

Being independent is a sin...

I was not thinking…

I just wanted to prove myself to you …But every time I do that your criteria changes…

You resemble my parents…

While I achieve the greatest heights in my career ,they regret my education just because I don’t listen to them…

And all the times they said that they have sacrificed everything to make me study seems so meaningless now…

That’s what we all are right!! We create buildings just to accuse them of their heights..

We want make our children independent but we use every possible trick to cripple them … to make them realize our importance...

And if this doesn't happen we accuse them of being too independent...

When did we draw a line between being independent and being too independent…?

Life would be so easy if we could choose whether to let go or to hold on … nothing in between will give peace…

Why I left ...

I left you because I was tired of waiting… 

waiting at the railway station to be picked up by you… 

waiting at the party to be taken home by you… 

waiting for my birthday present… 

waiting that one fine day people will stop taking pity at me because of you …

I was tired of living up to the perfect couple label when in my heart I knew we were not even a couple let alone perfect…

I was tired of being alone in a relationship with you… you see , you left me much before I did !